The price of single

Sometimes a person needs to change the way they do things in order to achieve different results. Thus far the online dating thing has not served me well. After four years off and on of relying on a computer to score my compatibility with absolute strangers, I decided to explore other options.

For those of you that don’t know, Vancouver is one of the most expensive cities in the world to live in. Nothing is cheap here, and as I have just recently learned, as a single person looking to meet other single persons, we have an invisible “sucker” stamped into our foreheads, and evidently our wallets too.

I recently looked into a group called Events and Adventures. I’m a woman who loves be active and social at the same time, like many other mountain climbing Vancouverites. I went for my consultation excited and eager to learn more. If you haven’t heard the radio ads, which are played constantly throughout the day to remind yourself that yes, you are in fact still single, well basically how it starts off is something to the effect of “are you tired of online dating?” Yup, that’s me. I was optimistic.

I met with a sharply dressed man, lets call him Joe. Joe sat me down and went through a series of questions about me, what I do, what my hobbies are and why I was there. Basically an online dating profile in the form of a job interview. He showed me a “yearbook” of previous events the club members on the outings. Basically, it resembled summer camp with cocktails. After about a half hour chat where he convinced me I was a perfect candidate for this elite group of singles, we got into pricing.

So online dating on average is about $40 per month, although some sites have special deals if you purchase for longer terms. This I completely understand. It’s a basic cost of membership. This was peanuts in comparison.

So Joe outlines the different membership “levels”. Silver, Gold and Platinum. Silver is a one year term, Gold is two and Platinum is unlimited. I was only interested in the Silver membership.

Drumroll please….

3 fucking grand! And I haven’t even gotten to the best part! $3,000 buys your MEMBERSHIP ONLY! You still need to add your activity costs on top of that. Except of course, the free stuff like hiking, which is always free anyways! Sheesh! The club has a grand total of 2,000 members out of a 1.5 million approximate city population.

Wait, wait, Joe… So you mean to tell me that $3,000 gets me access to only 2,000 single people!? Oh wait, nope! They’re not all technically single. If you meet someone in the group and form a relationship, you are still part of the club and can attend all events. In fact, Joe himself is one of those people! Did I also mention that 2,000 people were in an age range from 20-60ish? In case you don’t know by now, I politely declined membership.

I mean seriously. Great business model, however, at an astounding cost. 3 fucking grand!? Just to highlight how much money this is, I made a list of what else I could put that towards.

Things $3,000 will buy you as a single person to make you feel less single:

One escort/gigalo (rental spouse) a month for an entire year complete with dinner and a bottle of wine.

5 pornos a week for a year

One sex toy a week for 52 weeks

A blowup doll and a trip to the hot tropics with said blow up doll

A shit ton of liquor

Tattoo removal of the apparent idiot stamp on your forehead.

I mean seriously, the monthly payment is a car payment. A CAR payment! I would have better luck buying a brand new car and driving around the city topless. And at least that way, I would have a brand new car!

And in conclusion…

NEXT!