My Crazy Year In Review


2015, where have you gone? It’s hard to believe that the year reset itself almost 12 months ago; it feels like just yesterday. Or maybe that’s just me.

It’s been a while since I last wrote an entry in Singlevancouver, and it’s because this year was insane (to say the least) in more ways than one. The year started off promising with a whimsical application submission to be on a new Slice TV Vancouver based reality dating show called First Dates. Long story short, I was casted and filmed my on screen date back in March. I was eager to be what I thought was a featured date for my episode, but found myself disappointed when I learned the day of the shows launch that I would not be featured and would only be in some of opening montages. At first it was crushing, but like with everything else in my life, I got the fuck over it.

And then life took an amazing turn. A quick leap of faith lead me to the opportunity to write for an up and coming publication called The Bolde which I can safely say has singlehandedly changed my life. And soon after, a recruitment to Elite Daily which I will be contributing for in the New Year. I finally upgraded my clunker and bought a new car and took a few vacations. And by vacations I mean I actually got on a plane and got the fuck out of dodge instead of my usual Netflix, onesie and wine parties in my apartment. 2015 was good to me.

As far as my dating experiences are concerned, I’m ending the year off single yet again, but not without a few more positive lessons under my belt, and certainly not with a low hanging head either. In the process of navigating the Vancouver sea of bachelors, I finally found my one true love; and it’s all because of this crazy little blog I started nearly three years ago. I’m finally a paid and published writer on a viral platform sharing my experiences and thoughts stemming from my own personal journey and have connected with women all over the world who understand the struggle. And through doing what I loved the most, I learned the most important thing I could ever learn and that is that it’s okay to be alone and it’s okay to struggle to get to the end destination; because even when I get there, the struggles will likely continue. It’s not really about the destination at all, it’s about what you learn along the way. Life isn’t perfect and people just want to connect to something that makes them feel less alone in their own heads; we just want to know that someone else understands.

The other day I read an article from a woman who heralded her right to post only the perfect moments of her life because no one wants to see the bad stuff. I agree with this to a degree. When I scroll through my newsfeed, I don’t want to see tortured animals or the corpses of young refugees but in hiding the reality of life, I’m only breeding myself to be more naive to the bigger picture. How can you truly appreciate the good things, when you don’t see the struggles? How can I truly empathize if I’ve felt no pain? Through the brutally honest truths in my articles, I have comforted so many women who felt alone in their journeys and even though I may have bared a flawed part of my life for others to dissect and criticize, I focus on the ways in which I’ve made people feel better by sharing my pains with them. Because they’ve felt it too. And all I can really hope for is that in admitting the ways I’m not perfect, people will accept the ways they’re imperfect too. That’s the point; we’re all just imperfect people battling to find perfections but the perfection and the true beauty actually lies in the imperfections.

Okay, I’ll admit, that was deeper than I intended it to come out. But you get my point.

I’m so grateful with where this year has taken me, even if I haven’t yet found that imperfect Mr. Perfect to join me on the ride. It’s okay to be alone and it’s okay if people look at me and think I’m behind in the game of life because I don’t show up with a plus one to parties, or that being a mother is so far from where I’m at right now but you know what? Fuck that! That part of my life was simply not meant to happen yet. And in the meantime, I’ve never given up on this dream. Maybe I was meant to have my dreams come true first. Maybe I’ve been married all along- to my writing; to this crazy thing I do with words that helps other people feel better about where their lives are at, even if it’s not a pretty place. Not everyone wants sunshine and rainbows and long proclamations of how the love of their lives have made them a complete person. Looking back, I would rather have the pain because it makes the passions feel better. And if you only want the happy truth, then this is mine: writing is the love of my life. It is the one thing that holds me together; my rock, my knight and shining armor and the part of my life I can always rely on to be honest. My writing is loyal and comforts me with genuine love because the words are always on my side.

So I guess I’m not so Singlevancouver, after all.

In closing, I want to extend a huge thank you to everyone who has supported me on my journey and accomplishments this year. And to my readers and new followers on Facebook… I am so grateful to have each one of you on this wild ride with me. I’m so looking forward to what stories 2016 will write for me. Happy Holidays and a Happy New Year to everyone! Cheers!





Before You


We have all made mistakes in our lives with people we cross paths with and grow to care about. We aren’t perfect people in any way. With moments of joy among us, there will inevitably be moments of pain and fears to offset the euphoria. This blog is for everyone and anyone who has ever felt like they have failed or let someone down as a result of our own personal journeys and histories, and inspired by my own personal experiences. This is something I wrote when I was taking some downtime from my blog. Beyond my usual sarcastic humor in this blog, comes occasional cathartic reactions. As much as I try to make humor out of my experiences, I am also very deep.

It’s okay to make mistakes in life. That’s how we learn and grow into a better version of ourselves. If we didn’t fuck up from time to time, we would never learn any lessons and lessons are all a very crucial part of the journey. We are all searching for something real, and something honest. Albeit a person or a personal goal. But sometimes, in relaying our honesty, we reveal our insecurities. It’s okay. You have to roll over the speed bumps in order to continue towards the glide of the paved road ahead.

Before You…

Before this day there was another day just like it. The daylight illuminated my face casting shadows upon my puffy eyes. I laid awake in my bed replaying each moment that led me here to this day like so many more before it.

Before you there was another. And before them, another. And with each ending came new beginnings. New ways to fall, new ways to rise and new shadows cast upon my face from the morning light.

Before you there were questions unanswered. Abrupt departures from my life and unspoken flights. In between the momentous joy and benign hope were fears and doubts rooted deeply, before you.

Before this day there was a day when I had peace and comfort. A time when I didn’t question the details or relate them closely to an experience before you. But the rooted fears and doubts were stronger than the joy, and those were there before you.

Before you I had forgotten how to recognize a lesson. But in reflections after you, it’s all become so clear. Before you was a destiny that I didn’t understand. Before you, I had myself.

There will be another you, and maybe even another after you. Another opportunity and another reminder of hope. Because of you, and before you, I will never forget you.

Sometimes the first step to really achieving true confidence is coming to terms with your short-comings and owning them wholeheartedly in a way you can’t apologize for. You are uniquely and beautifully you and no matter what unbalanced connections you make in this life, there are connections that align completely. Wires get crossed with the wrong configurations and just like an electronic device, we can apply this same rationale to our lives and all the “connections” we come across. It could be within your friendships, family members or matters of love. Sometimes we are able to rewire to make things work, and other times the wires are rendered faulty. No matter what mistakes you’ve made with people, think of them as blessings and ambassadors to your true destination. And above all else, please take care.



Types of Basic Bro’s in Vancouver


We’ve all heard the term Basic Bitch before. For those of you who haven’t it’s the branding of a woman who is deemed generic based on her tastes and lifestyle choices. In Vancouver, you might describe this woman as a Lululemon wearing, Starbucks toting Sephora addict with a love for mimosas and brunching with the girls. She does yoga, she eats kale and she has at least one Vancouver Canucks fitted t-shirt to which she Instagram selfies herself in routinely on game days, but only within the first month of the NHL season start up and then again months later if they make it to the playoffs. In recent years, she has also become a seemingly die hard Seahawks fan. And this is just one version of the type of basic woman you’ll find in Vancity. But what about the bros?

Basic Bros are totally a thing here too. Don’t think you’re off the hook fellas. Yes, you can make fun of our love for pumpkin spice lattes and Ugg boots, but what about you? Men do a fuck ton of basic shit too. I solicited the help of some of my favorite Vancouver bachelors* to dissect the characteristics of the types of basic bros in Vancouver. Originally, I had a list of 7 Bro types but upon further research and in speaking with my fellow bro’s, we discovered that certain breeds in Vancouver extend from a general directory of bro archetypes in a special brand of what I deem “combros.” For your ease and comfort, I have provided you with a carefully concocted infographic to help you identify any basic bro in question.


Another noteworthy trait of all basic bro types, is that they will be quick to label anything generic that a woman does as basic. In the end though, all basic means is that we like things that a lot of other people happen to also like. So, unless you’re growing and harvesting your own coffee beans and grinding them yourself using a mortar and pestle before carefully pressing them in the french press you picked up at a vintage shop on Commercial Drive, lay off the love of Starbucks, let us rock those Ugg boots and eat and drink our delicious pumpkin things in peace. Because dudes, you’re basic as fuck too.

xo Cheers!


*special thanks and credit to my favorite man human, Spidey for his always perfect and hilarious wording of aforementioned bro traits. And to all the other Bros who contributed to this list.



It’s been five months since my last entry and I have wrestled with the idea of resurfacing until I knew the direction I want to take my often baffling dating experiences, but in anyone’s coming back from the dead, there must be something worth rising for. And for me, that time is now.

To say that this year was unworthy of detailed juicy blogs would be the understatement of my life. This year, everything changed and my experiences have taken me to new levels. And though I can’t give you the gory details just yet, I can announce to those followers who don’t follow me on Facebook or Instagram that my single girl life really surpassed my wildest expectation when I began getting tagged by friends in a casting for a new reality TV show on Slice Network called First Dates. Now, I can’t divulge the entire process just yet but after blatantly ignoring the tags on Facebook for a couple days, this girl (me) had tee many Martoonis on a Saturday night and filled out the online application, attached a photo and laughed to myself as I hit send thinking nothing more of it as a long shot. Until two days later when the producers called me. And before I knew it, I was a cast member.

Why do a reality show? Because, fuck yes. Why NOT do a reality show? Come on, have you guys read this blog? I’ve literally dated everything from a guy who dozes off at dinner tables in public to that time I accidentally dated a murderer. It was completely normal and natural that this would be the next wild adventure of the girl who writes Singlevancouver. And even though I have learned to not have any real expectations in any of these dating endeavors, and trust that in this process one day, I will be pleasantly surprised, I have one more story for the grand-kids. Who thinks I am going to be one of those cool Grandmas with epic stories about the dick picture era of dating? *raises hand* I do!

And at the risk of sounding like a basic white girl, I literally CAN’T EVEN tell you how excited/nervous I truly am. One thing is for damn sure, when I am sitting pretty behind my picket fence, I will look back on my dating life and have zero regrets about the choices I made and I think that’s the whole point of this. It was after all, the reason I started this blog. I was just trying to understand the journey and process it through my greatest outlet; writing. In the process I have not only met some truly amazing people along the way whom I feel I will have lifelong connections with, but I’ve also been able to share, and be more open and honest about myself, what I want, what I need, and most importantly, I’ve been able to relate to many of my readers across the GLOBE! Hello world! I’m back 🙂

Without further adieu, here are the details. For those of you who don’t have Slice Network, I will try to post short highlight clips of my on screen date when I actually air and am able to finally spill my guts about this whole crazy and fun experience! And for anyone living in the lower mainland, check out Earls Yaletown on Facebook or Instagram for their official viewing party nights. I will be in attendance as much as I can!

First Dates on Slice TV will begin airing Tuesday September 1st at 7:00 pm PST with double episodes until 8:00 pm. Spoiler alert*** I’ll be wearing a red dress. You can’t miss me!

Set your PVR’s and get ready to laugh!

xo Cheers!


Tinder has evolved

Ladies and gentlemen, Vancouverites, and daters of the modern world… the game has changed. This day was inevitable. We knew it was coming, but acted aloof to it’s reality. Yes, it’s true; Tinder has evolved. The future is here.

Tinder released an automatic upgrade to offer premium services beginning this week, in which Tinder Plus is the new way of swipes. Er, I mean, the new way of life! Yes. So what does this mean? What will happen to all of the Tinderellas, creepy fellas, and escort bots? Oh, the questions!

Well lets start off firstly by illustrating the main feature. The ability to swipe right. Inherently, this has become a way of life for all escort bots looking to expand clientele and of course, our ultimate favorite; the pervy Tinderfella. Now, instead of capitalizing on maximum victim collecting in a short period of time, the process is now more slow and strategic. You only have a certain amount of right swipes per day, and once you’ve tapped out, you will need to wait 12 entire hours to get more. In Tinder time, that’s eternity. With Tinder Plus, your right swipes are unlimited. But for those unwilling to pay, do you really want to right swipe Roberta and miss out on the opportunity to match and harass Lisa with fellatio proposals? And is Luke really worth passing up for Victor when clearly Luke has the better beard, and is over 6 ft tall? We need to really evaluate profiles now… Or just spend more time getting to know the matches we already have. There’s that option too. On the positive side, when you’re matched with someone now, just know that you were really worth that right swipe. How kind of them. Instant butterflies.

Another new feature is perfect for the forever alone kind, or the traveler type. If you are convinced your love doesn’t exist in your own city, or are planning to travel to a new city, you can now change locations and search for rejection and no frills sex in every region of the world! Hooray! I’ve always wondered how a Manhattan man would look next to my face in an active chat head. Now all my dreams can come true! And those trips to Vegas… just got way more exciting!


Aside from these clear life simplifying features, there is also a feature allowing you to rewind your previous swipe. Finally! If you accidentally left swipe a profile, because sometimes you’re just on a left swipe roll… you can now ERASE your choice by rewinding. It’s practically like a fucking time machine. OMG. Thank you Tinder gods! Sometimes when we left swipe a pretty or handsome face, it’s enough to ruin your day; and sometimes entire week. It’s like those romantic comedies where you forgot to get the cute girls number on the subway, so you run all over the city looking for her, and she’s always got a really simple name; like Jane. And you know what? You never find Jane. Not unless you make a billboard and maybe, just maybe she might see it and remember you. No more Craigslist missed connection boards here! Simply rewind button, and away you go. No regrets. Life. Made.

But perhaps the most ingenious new feature is the reasons for unmatching another user. It used to be simple; you would just click to unmatch. Now, we have choices. Choices like “offensive messages” for all you penis talking, dick pic sending types (PS- thank you Tinder for not yet enabling picture messaging) but never fear, “Bad offline behavior” is also an option. So think twice about blindsiding someone via text with your excess skin or you might be banished from the elusive world of Tinder. Truthfully, I have no idea how Tinder is even going to handle the reporting, but I’m sure everyone with the desire to share their beans and parts will find ways around it.


All jokes and sarcasm aside, it’s true… all these features are now a reality. And with any dating app that gains wild popularity, it will eventually come with a price tag. The idea is that people enjoy the service and what they get out of it, so they will pay to continue to use it in the way that they are comfortable. I have heard that the price of the app varies based on your age. Those above 30, will be charged $20 per month. Perhaps it’s just that I’m six weeks shy of 30, but my app tells me that I can have Tinder Plus for the cool price of $11.27 a month. I’m thinking this can also be worked around by a simple switch of birth year on Facebook. Just saying. Don’t shoot the messenger.


It’s no surprise that Tinder is a game changing, insanely popular and convenient way to meet new people; whatever your intentions are. I feel that my personal review of the list of features is that it may taper off the amount of abusers and will definitely reduce the escort bots. For the record, I only know about those because of my male friends who have shared their stories… Oh, and that one Fireman dickhead who thought I was one because I used the word “hun.” I think it also might make Tinder Plus members a more genuine crowd willing to pay to find companionship, whatever that definition of companionship may be.

And who knows, it may breed a different culture than Tinder is notorious for. Those actually looking to develop something real and genuine. Aww! Then again, maybe not. But it’s still fun!

It’s a match!


The truth about being bullied

It’s color is pink to raise awareness. It’s a topic that comes to surface and is rallied against each time a person commits suicide succumbing to the torment they have endured. It’s something we advocate but few of us realize we also participate in. It’s an act that has been amplified into horrifying levels because of technology and social media. It’s bullying.

Few people know this about me but when I was younger, I was bullied. Harshly. It’s where my psychologist believes a lot of my anxiety, depressive tendencies, extra strong personality and the uncanny ability to speak up to defend myself comes from as an adult. The degree to which I was bullied was awful for me. In the 5th grade, my classmates made up a club. W.H.A.C, they called it. It stood for “We hate Andrea Club.” When I would enter the classroom after recess and lunch, they would stomp their fists on their desktops chanting “WHAC, WHAC, WHAC!” over and over again. I had braces and was called “train tracks.” I got threatened a lot. People wrote things on the bathroom walls about me (in the sixth grade!) Someone threw huge rocks through the window of my family home because they hated me. I went home in tears almost everyday. My best friend was my beloved collie, Kato and I would go outside, hug him and cry to him on a daily basis.

In the seventh grade, I changed schools, but my reputation as an easy target and a “crybaby” followed me. I’m a sensitive person by nature. I feel things on a deep level when it comes to compassion, empathy, love and torment is no different. I felt it deeply. In my grade 7 yearbook, there was a page we all had to sign as the graduating class. Many of my classmates wrote phrases like “Down with Brooks” and “Brooks is going down!” I had no idea what this meant at the time, but I would later find out that I was Brooks because of the Brooks running shoes I wore. These hate comments were embedded into a keepsake item I was supposed to be able to look back on later in life and smile about.

I started cutting at age 13. I hated my life. I hated that whenever I would walk down the hallways of my high school, my reputation as the “target” never left me. Girls would say snarky and rude things to me. Rumors were made up. Boys would break up with me because someone would tell them I was a “loser.” Thankfully, I would go on to have friends who are still close to me today, but the pain I suffered has never left me. On one occasion where our school had to attend a suicide assembly because a student from another high school jumped off the Pattullo Bridge to his death from being bullied, I was confronted by some boys in my grade who said “hey didn’t you try to kill yourself too?!” and started laughing at me. Granted, kids are dumb and insensitive, but as I watch my friends now have children of their own, some of whom are going into school now, I can’t help but relay a message I hope you will all carry with you.

When your child is being bullied, they will carry it with them for the rest of their lives. I had to start seeing a counselor from age 9, and still see one to this day, 20 years later. Being bullied can lead to mental disorientation of self worth. It doesn’t just induce tears, it induces death if we don’t start to fight against it now. Even as adults, many among us are still bullies. Make sure you are displaying the right message to your children. Make sure we are leading by example. If your child is a bully, stop that in it’s tracks right away. Teach them kindness. Teach them respect. Teach them how to love their peers no matter what racial, sexual, social, or any other differences they may have. Teach our future generations to stand up for those who are being victimized because we have bred a society who now, instead of helping our fellow man, take out their smartphones to record the ruckus, post it online and release a hateful fury of judgement, racism and bigotry. Instead of paying a kindness to people in the present day, we fill their Facebook walls with words of love and affection after it’s too late; after they have already gone and taken their life. Teach your babies to be kind now. Teach them by example. Teach them by lessons. Teach them the kinds of mannerisms they will not learn in school.

A childhood of bullying is not an easy thing to get past, no matter how strong you are. Surviving into adulthood with the kinds of thoughts I had for years as a teenager, and sometimes I still have now was and is a test of strength and personal will that was hard to pass and I still deal with the negative stigma surrounding my adult struggles with anxiety and panic disorder on an almost daily basis. Maybe I am sometimes too sensitive, but there’s a story of struggle behind everyone that makes us who we are. I am a very bold spoken, strong person now because of the many people I have encountered who have tried to bring me down but not everyone comes out this way. Some become hate filled and go on to hurt others. Some become extremely introverted, and some don’t even make it out alive. Instead of sharing videos on Facebook, and advocating that “we understand this is wrong” what are we each actually doing to combat against this for the future? What will you teach your children so that this hate doesn’t continue? And what will you say to other adults who perpetuate this negative movement by attacking strangers on social media and in life the same way that we would hate for our children to experience? Most of us choose to stay silent, choose to “not get involved” but as someone who went through it, and sometimes still goes through it, I can tell you “playing it safe” does nothing for anyone. Be part of the change you want to see. Speak up now. Be kind now.

Embracing Single

They say that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. For many of us, we adopt this mentality when it comes to dating. I’m a guilty repeat offender myself. I date someone, put my all into them, get hurt and proceed directly to the next suitor, (or even sometimes a past suitor) only to end up disappointed again; and then I write about it. There are countless articles that circulate online in viral fashion. Elite Daily, Thought Catalog, The Huffington Post; all trying to relay and decipher the un-crackable code that is modern dating and how it has changed so much to a depressing state. And you know what? It doesn’t change a thing. Putting the brutal truth in print doesn’t shift our dating culture. It falls mostly onto deaf ears and blind eyes, or upon those who have been victimized by the content.

We date people who move on from us to people we wrangle our brains over, trying not to ask the question “why them, and not me?” Perhaps the woman you cared for secretly wanted a jobless man who still lives with his mother and his only mastery in the kitchen is Lipton’s Sidekicks. Perhaps the man you adored wished that you too, would have displayed levels of classless behaviors such as doing cartwheels in a restaurant parking lot in a dress showcasing her underwear for all to see. Perhaps, who the hell cares!? We all seem to have an idea of what we want in a person to break us out of the single life, and back into love, but we run aimlessly from person to person in a useless fashion, without consistency only to wind up with the same result; a cold pillow next to you at night. The articles serve no purpose. We keep the momentum going. Modern dating needs a timeout.

That’s why I resolved to stop dating. To stop looking. To delete every dating profile I ever created and take a chance as a modern dating unicorn who isn’t using online as my gateway to finding love. And a funny thing happened; I got happy. Genuinely self inflicted, non romance provoking, fucking happy. There is a lot more to being a modern single aside from dating, but dating is the thing we keep talking about. What about the other components? Are we embracing the positives that we experience from not being part of a duo?

Things like coming home and your pet is always so excited to see you, because you’re the first and only person to come home.

Things like not arguing about what to have for dinner. You-can-have-whatever-you-like *queue T.I*

Things like going to the gym religiously without anyone complaining about your absence.

Things like sleeping sprawled across a Queen Size bed (or King if you’re lucky) and having an entire duvet draped over you in a heavenly fashion.

Things like silence when you want it.

Long phone calls to your Mom and Dad when you need it.

One person’s alarm clock only.

An accurate measure of your current liquor supply, because you’re the only one drinking it.

Free range on home decor. If you want the hot pink couch, you can fucking have it! You want those Superman bed sheets? Heck yes you can! Yea!

Things like not having to write a warning article about a new type of asshole you’ve discovered exists.

Things like waking up smiling everyday because of you, and no one else.

Things that you forget you will eventually sacrifice when you do finally become part of that perfect dynamic duo you’ve been dreaming about; so whats the rush?

I’m tired of writing article after article about my dating woes and bachelor failures. We keep preaching the negative factors only to breed more negative factors and I sometimes have felt that my own personal expectation of disappointment is derived from continuously being sad about them and bleeding them into my next experience. I guess sometimes we need a timeout. To reflect. To heal. To embrace. To give no more fucks.

This doesn’t mean I’m not going to write anymore; but the days of woe is me are gone. Done. Adios. You can’t change modern online dating culture. You can’t change a Tinder King, an online dating addict or a person who will always keep their options open because our online culture, and dating culture prevents the gates from ever closing; but you can choose whether or not you’re going to be a part of it or not. This article, like most probably won’t sway or tilt the opinions of the masses who are avidly and vigorously navigating the online dating landscape in wreckless fashion, but I felt I needed to address my readers as to why I’ve been sparse in reporting. I’m done with online dating. The once innocent vibe offered online on the search for someone great is gone. As far as the success stories people keep feeding singles to give them hope that online dating can work for them, well the truth is that those situations are as rare as finding a dating unicorn in real life… so my fellow singles, what kind of unicorn do you want to be?

Classic dating games and modern technology


You’ve likely heard of the classic dating games. The old “playing hard to get”, “men are hunters”, “don’t be too available” and wait until at least the third date to have sex. What you may not have heard is that our modern day advances of technology and online dating coupled with the classic dating rules are game changing and next-level-fucked-up.

Some of you might argue; “but playing games keeps relationships spicy!” You know what keeps relationships spicy? Sriracha sauce on top of a fireball whiskey shot when they aren’t expecting it, sassing and bantering with each other playfully and not being a starfish in the bedroom. That’s what keeps things interesting; not emotionally manipulating another human being to get them where you want. Now, I personally am not into dating games. I prefer the real approach and that’s because I have experienced way too many of these old school games, and they get lost in translation with modern technology. The book “Why Men Love Bitches” or “Sex and the City” fail to highlight that the realities of modern dating include endless text messages, the lack of actual phone calls, and that men showing up on your door step with flowers to apologize after a blowout is now considered creepy and warrants a restraining order. I have read countless articles and books on how to win at the dating game, but the rule book needs an update to coincide with our new hand held lifestyles, and here’s why…

Lazy Communication

Texting has ruined what should have been a handy technology when it comes to dating. Now, with texting, if you hurt someone’s feelings or heaven forbid, send the douche-y breakup text, you have the luxury of not having to deal with the persons emotions on the other end afterwards. It used to be that we actually had uncomfortable conversations face-to-face which allowed us to feel empathetic and view the weight of our actions and words and how it affected others. This is how we learned how to treat one another with respect and courtesy or at least evolve ourselves emotionally. Now, with the simplicity of firing off a few words through a hand held device, and then going radio silent, we no longer have to suffer the consequences of seeing how our actions and words affect another human being; and that is a sad day, my friends. It’s a traditional behavior made lazy and impersonal with technology. If you can’t communicate via text the same way you would in a real physical setting, you should probably re-read the book of manners; for dummies.

Oh, and then there’s the whole “wait four hours to respond” tactic, because you know, we can’t seem “too available” as if most of us aren’t right beside our phones all day with 30 seconds and thumb muscle strength to spare. Be a modern person and stop pretending you weren’t just scrolling Facebook taking a “What color is my underwear” quiz.

Dates are last minute, or blown off easily

Thanks to technology, we have options for social activities coming our of our asses. We have up to the minute updates on friends, and even other potential romantic interests. “I’ll let you know” and “maybe” are the new way of saying “until something better comes up.” And when it does, you’ll get a text cancellation and you’ll be lucky to get a reschedule. Instead, you will likely get a 4 pm phone call on a Thursday for a whimsical last minute plan that evening. Planning proper dates is so vintage, not even hipsters are into it. Stop playing this game. Keep plans or don’t make them. This maneuver doesn’t say “I’m hard to get” it says “I’m a flake.”

Commitment derailment

Label free relationships due to the online illusion of having plenty of options opens the door for cheating that wasn’t technically cheating because “we weren’t ever official sooo….” – this was actually said to me by the last dude. I felt like saying “sooo having things at your place, sleeping over routinely and taking me to your family events makes me what exactly? Your stand in trophy until something better comes along?” This doesn’t work and never ends well for one person. This newly viewed life altering decision never existed 20 years ago. You were either together, or you weren’t. Commitment phobia wasn’t so common. There was none of this “in limbo” bullshit. And if you were that person, you were known as a “player” not the “catch.”

Texting instead of coming to the door

This is the equivalent of that Corvette guy who honks his horn when picking up the girl in an 80’s horror movie. The Dad never likes that guy. Don’t be that guy.

There are many ways that modern advances can benefit dating. You can book and make reservations online for just about anything now but mostly, it’s made things more exhausting when it comes to the initial courting and way we used to play games and have a “hard to get” attitude. Now we must lie, deliberately not answer the phone, date multiple people to create more desire, act like we don’t care when we actually do and it just brings me to the point where I no longer give a fuck. I’m exhausted with these new dating rules and standards. In a world so fixated on eating organic, we sure have evolved into behaving inorganically. How can we create something to feel natural and unfold naturally when we manipulate the process? Our downfall is mainly in our communication advances. We have the technology to create better intimacy and communication but we are not utilizing these advances to improve upon them, instead we are abusing them and making things worse. It’s all so complicated now. We want tradition when it suits us, and embrace technology when it suits us, and it creates more blurred lines than Robin Thicke. Old school dating games + New technology = No Bueno. It doesn’t work. They are called communication advances for a reason. So start advancing or GTFOffline.

Last single standing


Nobody longs to be the last single person standing amongst their group of friends but alas, here I am as just that. At an all-girls dinner the other night with my dearest girlfriends, it occurred to me as I sipped my slush infused vodka drink whilst listening to the wedding, pregnancy, “we” and “us” chatter among them that I had nothing relatable to share in the conversation. I mean, I don’t always like to talk about the last dip-shit I dated and it wasn’t like I was going to just be like “Aww that’s so cute, here’s a video of my cat!” (Insert crazy cat lady jokes here) to try and feel somewhat included. Instead I sat and listened intently and let it dawn on me that I am officially the last single girl in my crew. And it was okay.

For the past three years I have attended numerous events without a plus one, unless you count the bottles of wine or six packs’ I carry in tote as my “dates.” I’ve been to baby showers, children’s birthdays, housewarmings, pre-dominantly coupled holiday events and gatherings, engagements, and I will happily attend at least two weddings next year with excitement to celebrate the incredible milestones with the people I love and care about. But this is it; this is the divide. I am in a league of my own now.

Sometimes people try and tell me “they know what it’s like to be single” and tell me to embrace this time in my life. Well let me tell ya, I’ve embraced the crap out of this life for three years now. I am awesome at this life. Mind you, most people are comparing said experienced single life to that time that single meant wearing a hip hugging mini-dress, stumbling around in heels and being woken up by Mom vacuuming on Sunday morning before embarking on brunch with your previous night’s hangover victims. In your late twenties and early thirties, single means paying rent or a mortgage, student loans, car payments, vet bills and every other bill you never had at 21, having a responsible adult non-calling-in-sick-for-a-hangover attendance record at your job (which you now call a career), spending your single person income on endless celebrations for others whilst supporting yourself in the process and of course, keeping that liquor cabinet stocked, because you’re going to need it! It’s no cake walk either and there are pro’s and con’s to both lifestyles. Many hands make light work. Single hands make many trips. Sometimes it’s exhausting (though I have mastered the art of carrying 12 grocery bags up two flights of stairs in one trip- BOOM!) Sometimes I wish I could throw an “I’m single and surviving” party with a registry at the BC Liquor Store. I’d wear a Superman Cape. The “S” standing for “Single” (and Super.)

It’s not that I’m not happy being single, it’s just that I am overexposed to relationship chit-chat and it makes me feel so pressured into fitting in with the norm, and fitting back in with my friends. I have friends stressing out about not wanting to wait any longer to have children because they will be too old I’m just sitting there, all single and shit thinking “uh-oh, I am going to be that too old person they fear!” and it’s just like this endless cycle of feeling inadequate about my status even though I shouldn’t. Am I the last single girl in my circle? Hell yea I am. Does it mean I’m defective? No way. I’m not “too picky”, I’m not “looking too hard”, I already “love myself first” and whatever other stuff people are always feeding me to justify the reason I’m still single. I am single because simply, the right guy hasn’t come along yet, and that’s okay.

Being single sometimes feels like it comes with a negative stigma at a certain age. People ask you “what’s wrong with you?” or assume that you have higher expectations than you should. In this modern day and age, 30’s are the new 20’s and so the process of defining our own individual sense of self while putting the puzzle pieces of life together before inviting someone to join you takes longer. I may not have a child by the the time I planned to several years ago, but you learn to let go of expectation in favor of facing what your destined for.

The truth is yes, I’ve had some bad luck and maybe I’ve even made some of my own mistakes along the way (who hasn’t?) One of my neighbours told me when I met her nearly three years ago “this is our learning life” and the statement lingers in my mind every time I go through an ordeal. I’ve learned a ton on this journey, none of which I would have ever learned if I would have been in a relationship. I would have married the guy I was with three years ago and been standing in a kitchen barefoot and pregnant right now completely unaware of the amazing potential ahead of me. I also would never have started this blog. I wouldn’t be writing a book. I wouldn’t have a cat who plays fetch and makes me laugh every day. Through the process of truly embracing this single life and the dating world swirling around it, observing and learning from my friends relationships from the outside, to experiencing a wide variety of different personalities from the inside, I know without doubt that I am one hell of a catch -a sturgeon full of caviar. Once someone rips these walls down, I’ll be gleefully participating in mutual conversation with the girls at dinner; and in the meantime, there’s always vodka.