You’ve likely heard of the classic dating games. The old “playing hard to get”, “men are hunters”, “don’t be too available” and wait until at least the third date to have sex. What you may not have heard is that our modern day advances of technology and online dating coupled with the classic dating rules are game changing and next-level-fucked-up.
Some of you might argue; “but playing games keeps relationships spicy!” You know what keeps relationships spicy? Sriracha sauce on top of a fireball whiskey shot when they aren’t expecting it, sassing and bantering with each other playfully and not being a starfish in the bedroom. That’s what keeps things interesting; not emotionally manipulating another human being to get them where you want. Now, I personally am not into dating games. I prefer the real approach and that’s because I have experienced way too many of these old school games, and they get lost in translation with modern technology. The book “Why Men Love Bitches” or “Sex and the City” fail to highlight that the realities of modern dating include endless text messages, the lack of actual phone calls, and that men showing up on your door step with flowers to apologize after a blowout is now considered creepy and warrants a restraining order. I have read countless articles and books on how to win at the dating game, but the rule book needs an update to coincide with our new hand held lifestyles, and here’s why…
Texting has ruined what should have been a handy technology when it comes to dating. Now, with texting, if you hurt someone’s feelings or heaven forbid, send the douche-y breakup text, you have the luxury of not having to deal with the persons emotions on the other end afterwards. It used to be that we actually had uncomfortable conversations face-to-face which allowed us to feel empathetic and view the weight of our actions and words and how it affected others. This is how we learned how to treat one another with respect and courtesy or at least evolve ourselves emotionally. Now, with the simplicity of firing off a few words through a hand held device, and then going radio silent, we no longer have to suffer the consequences of seeing how our actions and words affect another human being; and that is a sad day, my friends. It’s a traditional behavior made lazy and impersonal with technology. If you can’t communicate via text the same way you would in a real physical setting, you should probably re-read the book of manners; for dummies.
Oh, and then there’s the whole “wait four hours to respond” tactic, because you know, we can’t seem “too available” as if most of us aren’t right beside our phones all day with 30 seconds and thumb muscle strength to spare. Be a modern person and stop pretending you weren’t just scrolling Facebook taking a “What color is my underwear” quiz.
Dates are last minute, or blown off easily
Thanks to technology, we have options for social activities coming our of our asses. We have up to the minute updates on friends, and even other potential romantic interests. “I’ll let you know” and “maybe” are the new way of saying “until something better comes up.” And when it does, you’ll get a text cancellation and you’ll be lucky to get a reschedule. Instead, you will likely get a 4 pm phone call on a Thursday for a whimsical last minute plan that evening. Planning proper dates is so vintage, not even hipsters are into it. Stop playing this game. Keep plans or don’t make them. This maneuver doesn’t say “I’m hard to get” it says “I’m a flake.”
Label free relationships due to the online illusion of having plenty of options opens the door for cheating that wasn’t technically cheating because “we weren’t ever official sooo….” – this was actually said to me by the last dude. I felt like saying “sooo having things at your place, sleeping over routinely and taking me to your family events makes me what exactly? Your stand in trophy until something better comes along?” This doesn’t work and never ends well for one person. This newly viewed life altering decision never existed 20 years ago. You were either together, or you weren’t. Commitment phobia wasn’t so common. There was none of this “in limbo” bullshit. And if you were that person, you were known as a “player” not the “catch.”
Texting instead of coming to the door
This is the equivalent of that Corvette guy who honks his horn when picking up the girl in an 80’s horror movie. The Dad never likes that guy. Don’t be that guy.
There are many ways that modern advances can benefit dating. You can book and make reservations online for just about anything now but mostly, it’s made things more exhausting when it comes to the initial courting and way we used to play games and have a “hard to get” attitude. Now we must lie, deliberately not answer the phone, date multiple people to create more desire, act like we don’t care when we actually do and it just brings me to the point where I no longer give a fuck. I’m exhausted with these new dating rules and standards. In a world so fixated on eating organic, we sure have evolved into behaving inorganically. How can we create something to feel natural and unfold naturally when we manipulate the process? Our downfall is mainly in our communication advances. We have the technology to create better intimacy and communication but we are not utilizing these advances to improve upon them, instead we are abusing them and making things worse. It’s all so complicated now. We want tradition when it suits us, and embrace technology when it suits us, and it creates more blurred lines than Robin Thicke. Old school dating games + New technology = No Bueno. It doesn’t work. They are called communication advances for a reason. So start advancing or GTFOffline.