Last week during my hugging and Cuddlr experimentation on live subjects in a crowded bar, I came across one table of mid-twenties men who basically shot me a look of pity when I offered to give them a PG rated public hug for no reason. It was as if the act of innocence was so foreign to them, and so I pried, “why are you weirded out by hugs, do you use Tinder?” I asked. One of the guys responded with laugh followed by “oh, this guy is the Tinder King” and pointed to the guy beside him. I will admit, he was very good looking but I’ve seen guys like him on Tinder time and time again. Their profile description typically consists of a generic “looking to have some fun” tagline and a few shirtless selfies in the bathroom mirror at the gym (ab shots mandatory) I have also been personally victimized by having to eyeball profiles in passing of men on Tinder that literally have a throbbing erection poking from beneath their tight and white boxer briefs, and this is their actual front page picture. These are apparently the kings of Tinder. So I asked this supposed “Tinder King” about his successes, and more importantly, how many women he was hooking up with weekly.
I was shocked to learn that he was sleeping with 1-2 women a week and had an actual system in place. He would sleep with said women for about a month at which time he would begin a new cycle. I asked him why, and it was simple. It’s easy and addicting. Women are doing it too. Bikini body selfies, lingerie pictures and offering everything up front on the first date is not uncommon now, but it is sad in my opinion. Call me old fashioned but it made me wonder why we are so addicted to dating apps, and the reason is not because we are having a hard time searching for someone to fulfill a long term void, but because we now have the ability to boost our egos and conquer our human urges on command, just by logging on, swiping and clicking away until we settle the loneliness. My question is, does having this attitude and the satisfaction of having multiple women or men chasing you down at once make you a Tinder King or Queen, or does it make you someone who needs someone to validate something you can’t find in yourself?
Everyone has a different reason for using Tinder and while on rare occasion, you might actually cross paths with someone who is of sound and like mind with a level of integrity and class, take it from me and my three years of online dating experiences, those occasions are rare so if you found it early on without much weeding, count your lucky fucking stars. When we are single, these apps become addicting because we can find the means to continue on alone with little to no effort. I know many single women like myself who live alone and will often use the apps just for an ego boost and men are no different. If you live alone, subscribe to Netflix and relish evenings alone with your pet, chances are you curl up on your couch and start swiping. Why? For a boost of the ego. For conversation. For sex. For the sole purpose of not feeling alone. And then you move on to the next swipe right. Sound familiar? You’re not the only one doing this.
Online dating was supposed to act as a gateway to meeting a person to date and form a relationship with. Because of our twisted usage of apps and dating sites, we have become addicted to connections of little substance, because it’s easily and readily available for us. Hell, even if you’re in a relationship or dating someone, curiosity can easily be settled by a simple download and I know this because I have unfortunately caught a few of my friends spouses online as well. Nothing is sacred anymore especially in the world of online dating. Good and genuine connections are very few and far between because we are now inundated with a sea of ego and sex seekers. While Tinder and online dating apps like this may be a good gateway to boost your self esteem and give you plenty of entertainment (clearly) it’s probably not the best solution to your loneliness, not in the long term anyways. I’ve been off dating apps for over a month now and I have to say the feeling is odd because it has been a safe haven for me and my lifestyle for quite some time now. The further I get from this world, the less I miss it. Sometimes focusing on your own inner circle of friends and people you care for feels much better than constantly seeking meaningless companionship whether it’s through innocent and flirtatious conversation or no strings attached sex. Eventually you get tired of the false advertising and people only looking to validate themselves. Eventually, you have to validate yourself on your own and this starts by taking the food dish away from the wolf pack.