We’ve all heard the term Basic Bitch before. For those of you who haven’t it’s the branding of a woman who is deemed generic based on her tastes and lifestyle choices. In Vancouver, you might describe this woman as a Lululemon wearing, Starbucks toting Sephora addict with a love for mimosas and brunching with the girls. She does yoga, she eats kale and she has at least one Vancouver Canucks fitted t-shirt to which she Instagram selfies herself in routinely on game days, but only within the first month of the NHL season start up and then again months later if they make it to the playoffs. In recent years, she has also become a seemingly die hard Seahawks fan. And this is just one version of the type of basic woman you’ll find in Vancity. But what about the bros?
Basic Bros are totally a thing here too. Don’t think you’re off the hook fellas. Yes, you can make fun of our love for pumpkin spice lattes and Ugg boots, but what about you? Men do a fuck ton of basic shit too. I solicited the help of some of my favorite Vancouver bachelors* to dissect the characteristics of the types of basic bros in Vancouver. Originally, I had a list of 7 Bro types but upon further research and in speaking with my fellow bro’s, we discovered that certain breeds in Vancouver extend from a general directory of bro archetypes in a special brand of what I deem “combros.” For your ease and comfort, I have provided you with a carefully concocted infographic to help you identify any basic bro in question.
Another noteworthy trait of all basic bro types, is that they will be quick to label anything generic that a woman does as basic. In the end though, all basic means is that we like things that a lot of other people happen to also like. So, unless you’re growing and harvesting your own coffee beans and grinding them yourself using a mortar and pestle before carefully pressing them in the french press you picked up at a vintage shop on Commercial Drive, lay off the love of Starbucks, let us rock those Ugg boots and eat and drink our delicious pumpkin things in peace. Because dudes, you’re basic as fuck too.
*special thanks and credit to my favorite man human, Spidey for his always perfect and hilarious wording of aforementioned bro traits. And to all the other Bros who contributed to this list.