There’s an aspect of the dating world I was completely oblivious to until recently. It was bound to happen eventually with the amount of interaction I expose myself to daily.
I met an Italian massage therapist last weekend and the conversation was going well so we decided to move it to text. He was cute, established and seemed very normal online. We started chatting and he cut right to the chase, “what are you looking for?”, he asked, to which I replied “a relationship”. He told me that was what he was looking for too. Then he told me what he was looking for was a little less conventional than that of a normal relationship. I was intrigued and asked him what that meant.
Welcome to the world of submissive men. Female-led-relationships. I was about to step into the twilight zone.
“I’m looking for a relationship where the woman would be in control of everything. I would clean and cook, and take your shoes off at the door when you get home. I like to be yelled at and it would be nice if you demanded to see my phone everyday to make sure I was behaving myself. If I wasn’t cleaning to your liking, you could throw things at me and yell at me. That really turns me on”.
I was floored, I actually thought he was kidding at first! Wrong. I asked more questions to really understand this lifestyle he was after, or to detect sarcasm because I really didn’t know if he was serious. He was. There were several awkward silences on my end throughout our conversation, but the weird factor didn’t end just yet.
“So what made you realize that you liked this sort of thing?” I asked him.
“We’ll I’ve had normal relationships where I wasn’t able to truly be myself, and with my last girlfriend, I told her I was submissive about half way through our one year relationship. She liked it at first but then she broke it off because she needed someone more take-charge”.
Well no kidding.
I had to ask what his experience had been with this type of life up until now and I was amazed at how many people participated in his fantasy life. He told me he was a “mistress” to many women who were in relationships. It was non sexual, of course. Basically he would go to their homes when they were at work and clean for them and let them boss him around. He would even go as far as organizing their closets by color. Oh and have I mentioned the foot fetish yet? He told me in an ideal world, if I were to be his girlfriend, he would enjoy giving me a foot massage while I flirted with other men at the same time.
He said what!??? Seriously, this conversation actually happened.
“So do you think this is something you could do? Would you like to go for coffee?”
Oh I wanted more than coffee. I wanted to parachute out of this conversation with the same speed as jumping from an airplane.
“Umm, no I’m sorry, I don’t think this is for me at all. But I really hope you find what you are looking for.”
“Really? Are you sure?”
“Yes I’m sure, thanks.”
I got off the phone confused as hell. This is an actual thing in the world. People actually do this all the time. Kudos to them really, for going after what they want. It’s admirable however, this is the type of thing I come across all the time. I think my law of attraction is bizarre and weird.
I had to call someone, so I called my guy friend who is also going through the weird world of online dating. Firstly, he laughed at me “aww sweetie, you’ve never met a man with Mommy issues?” Nope, nope, I most certainly had not. Basically he explained that submissive men are the same product that stems from women with Daddy issues. They likely had a strict and demanding mother or lack thereof, and needed that replacement in their adult life. This is where I came in. I had just been targeted to be an Italian mother. I felt humorously violated.
And then just when I had gotten over my bizarre conversation hangover, I got this text:
“Are you sure I can’t just clean your house for you?”
“I’m sorry I like my men to be dominant, not submissive.”
“But I wouldn’t be your man, I would be your bitch.”
I politely told him again that I wasn’t interested, but that I hope he finds what he’s looking for, and that was the truth. I completely respect the fact that people have different preferences and are being honest about what they want, but when you cross paths with one and you want and are used to something conventional, it makes for a very bizarre and awkwardly hilarious conversation.
Seriously, does this shit only happen to me? So, I guess there are easily obtainable dates in this city, if you can open your mind, or your cleaning closet.