My blog has been the subject of some apparently intense debate since my last posting. While some of these conversations were had behind my back, I was delighted to hear the feedback from friends and supporters to my face. Last night I was having drinks with friends and explaining the state of my current non-dramatic life happenings and the journey of this blog and its direction. One of the things she said to me was that the reason she and everyone love this blog, and others like it is because people are mostly afraid to put things out there, and I am not. I am raw, real and relatable. She said I am different from most women in the way that I think; so I pondered this.
As humans, we go through these intense and frustrating life struggles and we search for answers and meaning in each event. When we confide in friends who have not been through something similar, the struggle becomes all the more real. With nothing but coupled friends surrounding me after my last relationship, it was hard to divulge my experiences with the reciprocation of actual understanding. The older we get, the harder dating becomes and with stories like mine and many others to let you know that you are not alone in your experiences, it allows people to feel united. What I write about is my reality. It may not be yours and you may hate the topics and situations I reveal, but they are my life and it may seem sad and pathetic that I put it out there in broad daylight but I do it because I’m not afraid to tell it like it is. We avoid reality but without proper understanding of real life situations from all walks of life, how are you ever supposed to grow as a person and develop a level of compassion and honesty in your own endeavors? It’s like the 6 o’clock news. Just because you avoid it doesn’t make it any less real to those being affected. Exposure and uncomfortable conversations need to be had sometimes to develop a weighted opinion.
It may seem like I have nothing happy to write about, but there have been and continue to be happy things happening in my life. The truth is that people yearn to feel understood when they are in pain but when people are happy, they don’t tend to seek advice or strategies to further amplify their happiness. It’s when we hurt that we reach out. The expectation is that when we date, we set out on a search until we root ourselves into another person’s life and we live happy ever after right? Wrong. That is not reality for most people. Some people, self-included, have to suffer and struggle more than others before we reap the rewards. We have to go out on bad dates, see pictures of penises, and have someone treat us like absolute crap over and over again. Some people might suffer physically and some of us ride one emotional roller coaster after another like some sadistic clown theme park that never seems to open the exit gates and we do this because after a while, we become stronger. The ride becomes less scary and the sharp twists around the bends become predictable and therefore we are prepared to take them. It’s also because of this ride that we truly appreciate the great things and people that come along.
Some people may look at what I share here and think “poor girl” or pathetically gaze at me in passing because I don’t have a date when I attend a wedding or other dominantly coupled events and gatherings but if it weren’t for these situations I have constantly been through, I wouldn’t be this woman I am now. I wouldn’t know how to be my complete self and be happy with it or treat people with absolute respect and how to appreciate people for who they are rather than what society dictates the perfect mate to consist of. I would be needy and materialistic waiting for a white knight on a white horse to whisk me away into a fairy tale castle because I can no longer walk in my Christian Louboutins. I would be insecure and probably in a relationship with more conflict than I desire. I feel good about what I communicate here because of the kinds of conversations I had last night when people tell me they admire my ability to be a real person and share my embarrassing and uncomfortable stories. It’s not easy and sometimes even as a writer, I struggle to get the words out. Do I want to keep experiencing this? Of course not. It’s not like I purposely set out to date these catastrophes. It’s an exhausting process, it hurts and this blog is what keeps my sanity. The only thing I can say in regards to these remarks made about me, my blog and how it relates to my character is that as soon as I started accepting reality and humorously sharing it with everyone while absorbing and conveying a positive lesson, my life got better. I got better. To me, the opinions of others won’t change or discourage what I’ve gained.
Life gets better when you focus on reality and appreciate it for what it is.