They say that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. For many of us, we adopt this mentality when it comes to dating. I’m a guilty repeat offender myself. I date someone, put my all into them, get hurt and proceed directly to the next suitor, (or even sometimes a past suitor) only to end up disappointed again; and then I write about it. There are countless articles that circulate online in viral fashion. Elite Daily, Thought Catalog, The Huffington Post; all trying to relay and decipher the un-crackable code that is modern dating and how it has changed so much to a depressing state. And you know what? It doesn’t change a thing. Putting the brutal truth in print doesn’t shift our dating culture. It falls mostly onto deaf ears and blind eyes, or upon those who have been victimized by the content.
We date people who move on from us to people we wrangle our brains over, trying not to ask the question “why them, and not me?” Perhaps the woman you cared for secretly wanted a jobless man who still lives with his mother and his only mastery in the kitchen is Lipton’s Sidekicks. Perhaps the man you adored wished that you too, would have displayed levels of classless behaviors such as doing cartwheels in a restaurant parking lot in a dress showcasing her underwear for all to see. Perhaps, who the hell cares!? We all seem to have an idea of what we want in a person to break us out of the single life, and back into love, but we run aimlessly from person to person in a useless fashion, without consistency only to wind up with the same result; a cold pillow next to you at night. The articles serve no purpose. We keep the momentum going. Modern dating needs a timeout.
That’s why I resolved to stop dating. To stop looking. To delete every dating profile I ever created and take a chance as a modern dating unicorn who isn’t using online as my gateway to finding love. And a funny thing happened; I got happy. Genuinely self inflicted, non romance provoking, fucking happy. There is a lot more to being a modern single aside from dating, but dating is the thing we keep talking about. What about the other components? Are we embracing the positives that we experience from not being part of a duo?
Things like coming home and your pet is always so excited to see you, because you’re the first and only person to come home.
Things like not arguing about what to have for dinner. You-can-have-whatever-you-like *queue T.I*
Things like going to the gym religiously without anyone complaining about your absence.
Things like sleeping sprawled across a Queen Size bed (or King if you’re lucky) and having an entire duvet draped over you in a heavenly fashion.
Things like silence when you want it.
Long phone calls to your Mom and Dad when you need it.
One person’s alarm clock only.
An accurate measure of your current liquor supply, because you’re the only one drinking it.
Free range on home decor. If you want the hot pink couch, you can fucking have it! You want those Superman bed sheets? Heck yes you can! Yea!
Things like not having to write a warning article about a new type of asshole you’ve discovered exists.
Things like waking up smiling everyday because of you, and no one else.
Things that you forget you will eventually sacrifice when you do finally become part of that perfect dynamic duo you’ve been dreaming about; so whats the rush?
I’m tired of writing article after article about my dating woes and bachelor failures. We keep preaching the negative factors only to breed more negative factors and I sometimes have felt that my own personal expectation of disappointment is derived from continuously being sad about them and bleeding them into my next experience. I guess sometimes we need a timeout. To reflect. To heal. To embrace. To give no more fucks.
This doesn’t mean I’m not going to write anymore; but the days of woe is me are gone. Done. Adios. You can’t change modern online dating culture. You can’t change a Tinder King, an online dating addict or a person who will always keep their options open because our online culture, and dating culture prevents the gates from ever closing; but you can choose whether or not you’re going to be a part of it or not. This article, like most probably won’t sway or tilt the opinions of the masses who are avidly and vigorously navigating the online dating landscape in wreckless fashion, but I felt I needed to address my readers as to why I’ve been sparse in reporting. I’m done with online dating. The once innocent vibe offered online on the search for someone great is gone. As far as the success stories people keep feeding singles to give them hope that online dating can work for them, well the truth is that those situations are as rare as finding a dating unicorn in real life… so my fellow singles, what kind of unicorn do you want to be?