Emotional vacations

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In my last entry, I wrote about the fact that men fresh out of relationships seem to gravitate towards me like a gangly baby deer just learning how to frolic in the forest. Unfortunately afterwards, I had a similar experience yet again. What most people say about me is that I am very kind and welcoming to all people without judgement or stereotype. When it comes to dating, apparently I am too nice. Because of this, the men I meet after their heart was oh-so-tortured by the “cray-cray bitch” before me tend to lean on me, sweep me off my feet and then pull the rug from under me. After my last posting, I reconnected with a man on Tinder who I went to high school with and apparently had liked me since the 9th grade and is now mid divorce with a child. Number one: I have never dated a man with a child, but again, I don’t judge and so I made a cautious exception because I am nearly 30 and this is a reality now. Number two: he was quite insistent and quite taken with me and I think still in shock that he had found me after what he explained to be years of “always wanting to ask me out” Pre marriage of course. We’re talking 7 am good morning texts saying I am as beautiful as the day and number three: I warned him about my dealings with freshly wounded men and told him I wouldn’t even date him if he wasn’t open to allowing things to progress as needed in a healthy timeframe. I don’t want to be in a serious relationship tomorrow, but also I don’t want to waste my time. He even read my last blog and we had a good discussion about it so he knew where I was coming from just as I of him.

He assured me that he wouldn’t lead me on, and after he met all my coworkers and enjoyed a lovely day boating with my best friends and me, he pulled the plug citing what they all say, that he is “confused and doesn’t know what he wants.” Before you make assumptions, I will note, we did not sleep together or anything even remotely close to it, so it’s not a case of giving it up too early. I learned that lesson long ago. Then he started to continue with the excuses and brought his daughter into it saying he needed to focus on her which I understand, but had nothing to do with the issue at hand. So I said to him something that all men need to grasp, especially ones that are already parents. I am someone’s daughter too. I told him he should treat women the way he wanted her to be treated and that his karma would be wiping her tears one day when someone leads her on the same way. I am not sure how much more upfront I can be with men. I told him honestly… I have no interest of getting involved with anyone who was only interested in an emotional vacation. I am not an escape from your wounded heart. I have a heart of my own, thanks.

And then it dawned on me. So many men online are reeling from their last relationship and the level of honesty provided is not genuine. I am genuine in my intentions. I am upfront and honest in such a way that I know that it will repel interest, but I do this because I have no interest in a series of one to three month courtships. I want something that has potential to grow. I want a best friend and a partner in crime, not a temporary tenant in my life. I am not the Marriot. If you have a problem with this, please precede to the nearest exit sign. Sorry, but not sorry.

I realize that a lot of people need to dip their feet back into the dating pool to familiarize themselves once again with the acts of dating and there is nothing wrong with that however, do it with someone else going through the same motions, or hell; get a hooker if you need to. If meaningless sex is your primary agenda to mend your broken spirit from the girl who took everything including the shower curtain rings, then please search for that but please stop dating the nice girl who has been single for a longer period of time.

Everyone goes through that time period where they are ailing from a previous unpleasant ending to a relationship that was once full of love, but sometimes shit doesn’t work out and when it doesn’t, it’s important that take the necessary time-out’s to bridge the gap between our last relationship and our future endeavors. Many people will argue saying they met their current spouse immediately following a blow-out but these situations become more rare the older we get and that is because the magnitude of the fallout of a serious adult relationship is much harder due to the fact that these relationships of ours have evolved deeper. Now, on top of banished feelings we also have the discomfort of selling real estate, dealing with divorce lawyers and sometimes even time-sharing children. This is all very difficult and I know what kind of emotional detachment this can bring but mixing someone else into that state of mind is not only wrong, it’s downright selfish. Sometimes, online dating is not the place to be for new singles; sometimes, the better place to be is a therapist’s office.

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