Open letter to the single men I meet

20140704-110700-40020305.jpg

Sometimes it’s good to speak from the heart and experience of the challenges you face in life. For me, the hardest chapter of my life has to be exactly this. This blog, this journey, these experiences have without a doubt strengthened nearly every aspect of my character and made me into a much better woman but I would be lying if I said that this journey hasn’t been an emotional roller coaster that has at times crippled my optimism, despite my overall witty outlook on it which I have documented here.

With a never ending viral circuit of YouTube videos like “How to get a boyfriend in Vancouver” and websites labeled “Straight white boys texting” documenting the pitfalls of online and offline dating not just in this city, but everywhere, it’s hard not to ask the question of what the fuck exactly is happening out here? It’s not just me who is experiencing these lows, it’s many women and despite men constantly labelling women as the crazy ones, we are now seeing, thanks to the internet, that women deal with a fuck ton from men when it comes to dating. Although I have shared with you many of the over the top sit com worthy bachelor experiences here, there is much I have left out, so it’s time for an open letter to all the types of men I have met on this journey.

To the dudes who send me dick pictures:

It’s really nice when I begin chatting with you, but this only lasts for about 17 syllables until you send me a throbbing picture of your dick in attempts to swoon me. It is so forward that it only takes a short poem to accurately describe the scenario, one which of course I absolutely wrote for this occasion:

Dick Pic Haiku:

Hey sexy what’s up?

Hey not much, what about you?

Just my dick baby

(Insert dick picture)

I’m really not sure how you got the idea that sending these pics makes women want to jump in their car and come ride you, but seriously most of us (respectable) women are not only appalled by your vulgar approach, but we also think your picture is ugly. If it’s not a dick picture, it’s direct sex talk right away. Women of quality do not want to talk about sex, blow jobs or your penis before the first date. Hell, I don’t even want to talk about it at all. Women deal with this all the time in the dating world so it’s no wonder that we become jaded with regards to sex and promiscuity. This constant exposure will go one of two ways; either the woman will succumb to and accept that all men want this and become a trollop themselves or they will actually scale back a huge amount on their sexual desires. I have gone the ladder direction. Stop fucking sending dick pictures and stop talking about sex right away. Man up and be different. We are sick of your shit.

To the serial daters:

Tinder makes it so, so easy for men to think they are Rico Suave. I went on a date with a guy a few weeks ago who I met through a friend. He was also using Tinder though I did not know it at the time. We had this awesome time together, and he straight up ignored my messages the next day (no, I did not sleep with him!) I later found out that the night before meeting me, he went on a Tinder date in which he screwed the girl on the first night. Classy. So now bro thinks he’s Casanova and is dating up a storm, hitting up a new Tinderella several nights a week. Being single in this era is nothing but mixed signals and confusion. No one communicates maturely. If you don’t feel a connection after a date, you ignore the person instead of being a decent human and admitting the chemistry just isn’t there. I remember one date I went on a couple years ago with a man I met on eHarmony. We got along, but there was zero sparks. He texted me after and thanked me for the date and said if I ever wanted to go for a friendly bike ride, to let him know and it was nice to meet me! It was polite, mature and explained tactfully that we weren’t a match. Nowadays, instead of focusing on one person at a time, we book multiple dates a week and blatantly ignore people after leading them to believe we are interested. Call me old fashioned but I still believe that a person deserves the courtesy of being given a solid chance and if I don’t feel that we are on the same page, I will come right out and say it and move forward in my search. Please stop the bad dating manners. If you want to be a serial dater and play the field, please be upfront with us so we can decide if we want that because truthfully, a lot of women don’t so please stop wasting our time. I’m approaching my thirties. We are either going to do this thing or not do this thing, but let me know because I have shit to do.

To the “not ready” guys:

Okay, so this subject for me is literally starting to feel like my legacy. I am a magnet for freshly wounded men. They practically gravitate towards my good and strong nature. I get that you have been through a ton, but guess what? So have I. We all have a story and a past and the colliding of our worlds in your vulnerable state when I know what I want is not only time wasting, but it is exhausting; so emotionally exhausting. I get that you need to “get out there” but please don’t do it with the nice girl who has been single for a while because chances are, she does not want to be your rebound or blue ball healer. Just as you deserve to re-align the pieces of your heart, I deserve to be someone’s first choice and receive as great of a beginning and experience as the person who broke you. Understand that not all women are as bad as the woman you were just with and understand that many of us single women using online dating tools are genuinely looking for a real connection with someone. Despite stories you have heard from your pals that “this site will get you laid” not every woman wants a short term courtship; I certainly don’t want that nor do I search for it. I see many women settling for less than they want such as FWB relationships only, non-committal men and many of us just put up with this because being with someone part time is better than not being with anyone at all but this is very unfair. Being a woman is hard especially when dating. We have to dance around subjects in fear of scaring men away and not act on true desires because if we do, we get labels like “easy” and “whore” yet men are the ones who usually challenge us with these situations because they impose the desire on us to begin with. Not only is this exhausting, it is extremely debilitating. If you are not ready to date with good intentions, please don’t date at all.

Women and men in this world of dating lack a huge amount of respect towards one another and even though I know that no amount of blog entries, YouTube videos or websites will change this never-ending downward spiralling dynamic, I can at least do my part in asking for what I want and being true to myself. What I want you to know, men that I meet, is that when I first encounter you, my mind is open. I respect you and appreciate the person you are until you give me reason not to. When you send me indecent pictures, play with my emotions for your own emotional growth and view me as an object rather than a person, it takes its toll on me. I’m not asking for a forever commitment, I’m just asking that people respect each other more on this journey and be a little more human. Where did we lose our courtesy and respect towards one another? Why is it so hard to consider how what we do impacts someone else? Even though I know that my experiences have made me this truly strong woman I am constantly told I am, at the end of the day, I am still human so please be as kind and decent towards me as I am to you.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s